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UX Writing

Voice & Tone Study
Aaron Stern
07.01.2024


The first impression of a product and company is a critical UX opportunity. 

If the primary encounter is a referral from a trusted voice, or a glowing review, then the marketing strategy is probably paying off, the customer and business goals are aligned and we can all go home happy!

If your potential customer discovers the product in the dark forests of the internet with no reference and little context for the brand or product, it is critical that public facing channels are ready to greet them.


I’ve rewritten three sections from a website to show how User Persona, Job’s To Be Done & UX writing could improve the tone and more efficiently communicate a value proposition.

Original hero Section
Hero section with Alternate Copy


There were three important things to address in this hero section:

1) I punctuated the sentences...

2) Introduce context to the product in the section heading. 
     The original copy is vague and clunky. Instead, I propose that the heading explain exactly what the product aims to do for the intended customer.    
     The supporting body copy will detail the features & value proposition of the product and speak directly to the audiences “Job’s To Be Done”.

3) Using Red as the primary button color for “Start Free Trial” button is not UX best practice, where the color is consistently deployed as a “Cancel” or “Stop” function. 
    Using the brand colors here is a much more common design practice and reduces the cognitive dissonance that the unexpected use of red introduces.



Body Section 1: Tone uses pain & scarcity to communicate value proposition.
Alternate Body Section 1: Tone pivots to compassion, empathy & solutions oriented.

1) I moved the tone away from the “pain” language and deployed a more empathetic tone. I used the subheading to highlight the advantage of the session replay tool; that you can get close to seeing exactly what a user sees.

2) I changed the tab title from ‘AI Issues’ to ‘AI Detective’. Contextually, AI Issues sounds like challenges resulting from implementing AI. Instead, imagining the AI agent as detective that recognizes patterns and flags issues is more illustrative as a rhetorical device.


3) I highlighted the tool’s responsiveness, which was getting obscured in the previous wording.


Body Section 2: Missed opportunity to explain the dashboard image displayed to the right of the copy.
Alternate Body Section 2: Using the copy to pull value proposition, screenshot and JTBD closer together.


The heading is clear, direct and focused. The body copy itself makes the value proposition but doesn’t clarify the graphic. I took the last sentence as a jumping point and asked myself: What qustions does the product answer?

So I framed the body copy in Question/Answer format and showed that the product provides insights that you can use to develope solutions.

I also took the opportunity to have the copy directly speak to the opposing graphic, to show how the dashboard is effective throughout troubleshooting. 


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